Big E has been open about his mental health journey for the last few years. He penned a gut-wrenching account of his struggles for the “Player’s Tribune” and has signed a book deal based on that article. He has continued speaking about his mental health journey on podcasts and most recently during a TEDx Talks.
One of the topics he discussed was how meditation has been a coping mechanism for him. He recalled that in 2019 he wrote a suicide note in order to get all of his emotions out. The following year, COVID brought the world to a standstill and without the distraction of wrestling, Big E would be alone with his mind. “I told myself that if I don’t do something for my mental health, I may not make it out of lockdowns alive”, he admitted.
The year before, a friend had introduced him to a guided meditation app that he used sporadically, always having an excuse not to use it. With COVID lockdowns in place, he no longer had excuses and promised himself he’d meditate daily. “It wasn’t long before I noticed my breathing slowing, the tension I was unknowingly holding in my neck and shoulders dissipating, and the busyness of mind slowing as well,” he reflected.
“I was beginning to confront and reject the misinformation that my depressed brain had been spitting out for years. I returned to the app the next day and I was implored to let go of everything that didn’t serve me. I didn’t have to hold so tightly to my childhood wounds. I didn’t have to cling to this idea of being forever broken. Like a cloud in the sky, I could see the thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them pass by. I could simply let go.”
Meditation gives Big E agency
After a few months, Big E noticed that he was able to let go of more and he felt lighter. But being at home, he didn’t have many stress triggers. That all changed in 2022 when his wrestling career ended on a move gone wrong.
“In the past, my injuries all greatly contributed to my declining mental health. But now I had a spiritual practice that actually worked. Instead of mourning the end of my career, I was filled with gratitude that I could still live my life normally. Instead of hating the man that was responsible for my injury, I empathized with him. And remembered that meditation underscores the belief that we as humans are all interconnected.”
Instead of being filled with anxiety, Big E was able to stay present. He reminded himself that no matter what came his way, it was nothing he couldn’t handle. He felt whole and knew that he was enough. When he was depressed, he compared it to being a passenger in his own mind. He said that meditation gave him agency and gave him the tools to handle any of life’s problems with grace.
If you use any quotes from this article, please credit TEDx Talk and provide a h/t to Wrestling Inc. for the transcription.
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