In an era when howls of ‘fake news’ are heard daily from people in highest positions, and actual headlines about real international events so often feel utterly surreal, it’s ever easier for pranksters to pull one over on sleepy eyed consumers of social media on 1 April, the international day of dumbness.
We’ve been up early, rolling around the roads, tracks and trails looking for traps for the gullible cyclist. Following are a few to look out for.
One that actually made us smile this morning is this post from Speeco, a brand best known for taking handlebars very seriously. In it they claim to have branched out into cycling footwear, with the production of Speeco Red bottoms, riding shoes with heels developed after ‘months of intense market research in Milan’, which can: ‘linearize the vortexes coming from your foot pedaling through the wind, decreasing your total CdA by a whopping 4.2%’.
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And in further satirical sartorial cycling news, Premier Tech want us to think they have launched a one-off special edition green kit for this year’s Tour of Flanders (complete cobblers, of course).
Another one that put a grin on our yin was this newsflash from Scottish cycling, announcing that ‘Due to the Internal Market Act, all professional European sports teams now have to be referred to by their Scottish or British brand where appropriate.’ A favourite take-away from their handy guide to the new names was that Red Bull-Bora-Hansgrohe should hence forth be known as Irn Bru-CR Smith and that in future Unibet Rose Rockets will be referred to as McBookie Space Cadets.
(Image credit: Scottish cycling)
And there’s no joke like an old joke, so check out this announcement from Canyon/SRAM.
Need a tangy boost during your next race or enduro ride? Oversized-sandwich pushers Subway are claiming to have entered the energy supplement market, launching ‘a limited-edition range of nutrient-packed energy gels that taste just like Subway’s iconic sauces’, which have apparently been ‘designed with endurance athletes in mind, offering compact, easy to consume boosts made for runners who don’t want to leave flavour at the starting line.’
The muted (and of course totally made-up) gel flavours include Chipotle Southwest (spicy kick for when the miles get mean), Sweet Onion (a tangy-sweet hit for when energy levels begin to dip) and Honey Mustard (a balanced sweet and sharp flavour for a midrace moment of glory).
(Image credit: Subway)
Fuelling the rage
Meanwhile, for every hit there is inevitably a few misses. Making light of the hilarious situation in the situation in the Middle East, where the US-Israel war with Iran is entering its second month, increasing global instability and pushing petrol prices through the roof, is this nonsensical story about BP encouraging people to pedal to the petrol station to load up on fuel.
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