NUNO ESPIRITO Santo’s decision to start with a back five backfired big time to leave West Ham on the brink of relegation.
This 3-1 win was a Toonwalk for Newcastle. They burst the bubble of the hapless Hammers inside twenty minutes.
Nick Woltemade ended his drought before Will Osula celebrated the continuation of his red-hot form by channeling his inner-Michael Jackson.
Even a wondergoal from Taty Castellanos, which only rubbed more salt in the wound after he was benched, failed to stop the rot.
Now West Ham need a huge favour from Chelsea against rivals Tottenham to keep alive hopes of their dismal campaign ending in a Thriller against Leeds on Sunday.
But their fate will be sealed before they next kick a ball if Roberto De Zerbi’s side win at Stamford Bridge on Tuesday.
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Even a draw for Spurs, two points ahead and with a vastly better goal difference, will effectively be the final nail in the coffin.
Basically, the boys from the East End need a miracle to avoid returning to the EFL for the first time in 14 years.
The writing was on the wall the moment Woltemade ended a five-month wait for a Premier League goal.
The omens never look good when a £69million striker, used largely in midfield this year due to his ineffective displays, finds the net for the first time in 17 top-flight games.
And it was soon turning into a Toonwalk as the Mags were two to the good inside 20 minutes.
In-form Osula left the Hammers with a mountain to climb, pulling out a Jackson-style white glove as he jigged in celebration.
That was five in eight league games, and soon six, for the red-hot Danish forward, who on this form, could save Newcastle a bob or two in the transfer front this summer.
But this story was all about the Claret and Blue, a team that started like they did not have a clue.
They were set up like rabbits in the headlights. And as Osula donned the glove, West Ham may as well have pulled out the white flag.
For a team supposed to be battling for their lives, they looked resigned to the fact it would be another miserable away day.
Nuno was struggling to sleep ahead of this trip north. He will be having nightmares over the opener.
Goalie Mads Hermansen overhit a pass to Jean-Clair Todibo, Harvey Barnes nicked it, raced forward and crossed for unmarked Woltemade to slot home.
The Hammers boss threw out his arms in fury at the cheapness of it all before downing a bottle of water.
This time next week he may be reaching for something a lot stronger.
All he could do is bow his head moments later for the second, realising his own clanger in trying to start this must-win so pragmatically had gone pear-shaped fast.
It was all too easy. Newcastle cut through the Hammers’ static backline with one-touch football, Osula eventually breaking through to slot through Hermansen’s legs.
Starting with five at the back was a disaster. Callum Wilson, all smiles beforehand and signing autographs for the locals, had barely had a touch as a lone forward on his old stomping ground.
And Nuno finally accepted his tactical mistake, hauling off the embarrassed Todibo on 26 minutes and ditching the back five as Castellanos joined Wilson in attack.
Finally, the Hammers showed signs of life.
Nick Pope was forced into a brilliant double save to bat away Castellanos’ volley with his left arm before his legs kept out Diouf’s follow-up effort with his legs.
That still was not enough for the loyal West Ham faithful up in the Leazes End gods.
They had embarked on a 566-mile round trip to watch this dross.
And they furiously booed off their seemingly Championship-bound men at the break.
Star midfielder Mateus Fernandes, destined to be anywhere but the London Stadium come August whether they pull off the great escape or not, stung the palms of Pope in a brief glimpse of a fightback.
Finally, the fed-up Hammers faithful got some fight when Tomas Soucek escaped with a booking for barging over Bruno Guimaraes.
But there was to be another dagger through the heart as Joe Willock teed up Osula for his second.
He resisted any Wacko Jacko antics this time around. Maybe he had heard Sky Sports pundit Roy Keane’s assessment of his earlier celebration.
The hard-to-please Irishman said: “He can do that in the nightclub tonight.”
That should have been the final nail in the Hammers’ coffin but a stunning first-time 25-yard volley from Castellanos provided some hope.
Bowen whacked one straight down Pope’s throat and Argentinian Castellanos almost set-p a grandstand finish as another volley was tipped onto the bar by Toon’s stopper.
But, just like the Hammers’ revival since Espirito got to grips with the squad after Graham Potter’s woeful start to the season, it was a case of too little, too late.
Kieran Trippier, fresh from helping out his old club Spurs’ survival chances, received a fond farewell as he made way in his final Newcastle appearance at St. James’.
But for West Ham, all eyes turn to West London on Tuesday as the whole of the East End turns blue.
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